Part 2: Showing vs. Sharing love: sexuality

This is also true in sexuality. 

We often think of sex as a give and take, a compromise, letting our partner have some things they want sometimes and other times what we want- in terms of sex acts, frequency, etc.

 But if we think of sexuality in terms of connecting with each other, these compromises become much more than compromises.  They become love and exploration of not just bodies, but souls.  We so often consider our differences in desire to be a problem.  The reality is the way we work through our differences sexually with our  partner allows us to grow both individually and as a partnership.

  God did not intend for our sexual drives to match up.  We know that because almost no couple’s sexual desires do.  So, that must be His intention. 

Yet, God also desires our happiness and our loyalty and fidelity to Him and our partner.  So, He has a plan for us to navigate this successfully.  That doesn’t mean it will be easy. 

David Schnarch talks about the concept of differentiation- something necessary in many areas of life, but something we are pretty regularly confronted with in long term monogamous sexual relationships.  It requires us to “hold onto ourselves,” to hold onto our wants and needs, even while at the same time acknowledging and at times seeing and allowing our partner’s wants and needs.  And this can also mean considering changing ours- but not to “give in,” but with the idea that we are willing to consider things from a new or different perspective of my partner, but still with the agency to take it or leave it.  And learning how to love each other through growth and differences.