Them or me?

When I feel frustrated, irritated, I usually blame someone or something. It seems obvious to me. 

Except that I’ve noticed that when something particularly digs or hurts, it’s usually because a part of me believes it on some level and is scared it might be true.😳

For example, when I have felt left out, if I can really slow things down, I realize at times that I am excluding myself.  I read a book about succeeding with people and noticed that my body language was often closed and didn’t invite others to engage with me.  I was unconsciously excluding myself from connection.  So, I turned the question of, “why are they excluding me?” into “how am I excluding myself?” And I got some valuable information.  I learned my body language was not communicating the way I wanted.  

 I can also turn the question back to myself in another way.  “Why am I excluding them?” I realized that I had been waiting for someone to approach me— not bothering to approach them.  In a way, I was leaving them out.  

When I realize that the things that most offend or irritate me carry some truth, and then I turn the questions back on myself, I get some good information—if I am ready to take it.  This information gives me more power to change my situation when I take some ownership in it.

Those questions can be uncomfortable at first, but my life gets so much better when I can use them honestly to improve and empower my life. 

(These questions are derived from the teachings of Byron Katie)