BOTH can be TRUE

We assume so many things have to be this OR that. Black OR white. We think feeling, thinking or doing one thing eliminates us from feeling, thinking, or doing something else. There are lots of things we think cannot exist together.

I was reminded of this powerfully the other day when a saw a new mama post this, "I think it's OK not to like being a parent but still fiercely love your kids."

I would have never thought these things could go together. Isn’t it amazing that you don’t have to love parenting even most of the time to be able to love your kids. And love them fiercely.

It is just so freeing to just read that and realize BOTH CAN BE TRUE. We don't have to feel guilty. We don't have to feel like we're not enough. We are more complex than we had imagined.

I wonder what else can both be true.

Goals: progress, not perfection

Recently I’ve made some short term goals that I haven’t reached.

Sometimes I feel like that’s OK.  I am learning how to do better.  I am learning how to fail better.

But sometimes it just doesn’t feel good.  I start to wonder if I will ever be able to achieve what I want.

I started thinking how in the scriptures, Christ says “be ye therefore perfect.”  I know I will never be perfect in this mortal life.  But He still tells me that and wants me to keep trying. Even when it doesn’t feel good.

One of my exercise instructors likes to say, “progress, not perfection”. 

And perhaps the progress we make while we are reaching for perfection may be even more important than the perfection itself. 

How do you honor your progress when you fall short of perfection or your goal?

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Get headaches?

I woke up yesterday with a headache.

This happens from time to time, and I usually end up taking medication before it gets worse and it becomes difficult to function.

Since it was early, I laid in bed and just felt and allowed my headache.  

I didn’t fight it.  I didn’t wish it wasn’t there. 

I told myself I was paying attention to my pain right now, but I could take medicine at any point when I finished listening.

During this, I discovered some negative thoughts I had been thinking about myself and my life.  And as I discovered this and was just accepting of myself, I felt muscles that I didn’t even realize were tense, begin to relax.  The pain in my head started to dissipate.

I still had background pain and pressure in my head throughout the day, but it was minimal and I never felt it enough to take the medication.

This is how we start to work WITH our body.

This is how pain can work FOR us.  It is often a messenger.  

And it just screams louder when we don’t listen.

The life of your dreams

It should feel exciting to think of the life of my dreams…

But when I don’t even know what my dreams are…

It just feels confusing.

Maybe a little scary. 

And like something might be wrong with me.

When you’ve been living your life for others’ dreams for so long, dreaming feels unfamiliar and almost wrong.

It’s not.

It’s not too late.

You do have dreams.

And you get to try some out.

Figuring it out feels a little uncomfortable at first, but then so amazing and expansive. 

Working on your mindset and wisdom in your body allows this part of you that has been put aside, to come out.  

Having dreams is part of how God helps us to do our best work in this world. They are good. We don’t have to assume they are selfish,.

Welcome dreams!

Sneaky thoughts

Do you find yourself often feeling irritated? Indecisive? Or scared to do things?

Guess what. You're probably talking mean to yourself. And you don't even realize it. And you don't know how to stop it either.

Negative thoughts and self talk keep us stuck. They take up a lot of emotional space. They keep us from doing the things we really want to do, and they interfere with our relationships with those we care about.

And they're sneaky. Because it happens inside of us, we often don't even realize it. We don't even consciously hear our negative voice anymore. But that doesn't mean if doesn't affect you.

If this sounds like it might be you, I can help.

I work on things from the mindset, emotion, and body perspective. When we work with all of these parts of us, the results happen more quickly and are longer lasting.

You don’t have to be stuck in the sneaky negative thoughts.

Your best self

It's easy to get caught up in all the things we are supposed to do. The things we need to do to be a good parent. The things we need to do to make things special for our loved ones. The events we should attend the gifts we should give, the atmosphere in the home we should provide, and all the magic memories we are in charge of making.

It can be exciting and fun, but sometimes it can also be overwhelming.

Sometimes things don't turn out as we'd planned.

Sometimes all the stuff just doesn't get done.

Then it doesn't feel enough.

We can't look and see the things that we've done that prove we are doing it right.

Your best self is NOT all the things you are DOING. There is no checklist to get to your best self. You don’t check off a certain number of things and then you’ve made it- here’s your BEST SELF! That’s not how it works.

It's who you are BEING and who you are BECOMING.

That's it. There is no working your way there. You don't have to prove anything.

You just keep showing up as the person you are trying to be. And when you fall short, you just get to get back up, shift a little and keep going. And if you stay down for a bit, that is ok too.

Your best self is just YOU. And that is the best gift for everyone.

Being hurt is not “less than”, it’s just “part of”.

I read a quote on Instagram recently that Seerut K. Chawla posted. She said, “Be careful your healing isn’t just perfectionism in disguise.” We want so much to feel better, to do better, to be better. And that’s all good work. But implied in that is often the message that we aren’t good with who we are right now. So many of us feel that thinking we aren’t good enough is good motivation to change and to get better. IF that worked, I’d teach that all over the place. But the reality is, that it doesn’t work, or if it does, it only works temporarily.

What happens when I get irritated with my kids, and then I think and start saying to myself, “Amy, you’re so dumb! You know you shouldn’t yell at your kids. Why are you doing this again?!” After I’ve been saying these things for awhile, I often don’t feel like going in and loving on my kids. I actually feel pretty crappy and just want to go up in my room and watch something or read something by myself. And when I’m on edge, when they come in and want something, I’m almost more likely to snap at them again. So, the negative self-talk starts again.

The truth is, we are all human. We all get triggered.

We’re not better when we figure that out and heal- the truth is, we just know a few more things.

What if we aren’t “getting better”? What if we are just growing, or maybe even better- evolving? Being hurt isn’t wrong. Being hurt isn’t less than. It’s just part of. Just part of being human. Just part of growing.

We don’t have to hate who we are to evolve and grow. We wouldn’t get to grow unless we felt and noticed the hurt. We can love the person we are now who is offering these ways for us to grow.

To listen to the podcast: Listen on Apple Podcasts

To watch and listen on YouTube: Being hurt is not "less than".

Taking things off your schedule.

Taking things off your schedule is a temporary fix.

Things are always going to feel like too much when you aren’t spending your time on what you believe in.  On what you know is most important.

Like trying to fit rocks, gravel, and sand into a jar.

If you put the sand and gravel in, it is impossible to get the rocks in.

But if you put the rocks (your priorities) in first, there is room for the gravel and sand to fit in around it (all the other stuff).

I sometimes wear myself out emotionally by taking on others’ priorities (gravel and sand)instead on my own. And when I don’t put my priorities first- the things that align with the person I am choosing to be- I often lose a lot of emotional energy, and I can’t fit in my rocks.

A lot of times, I don’t even realize this is happening. 

It’s often not the amount of things going on. It’s what the things are and how we feel about them. 

When we can figure out what is really most important to us and then put those things first, that is where our greatest power lies.

It was never enough money…

For so long I thought that having a stable job and “enough” money was what would make me feel OK. Safe. Good enough.

I went to college so I had the skills to have a good job when I needed it.

I saved money so I wouldn’t have to worry about the future.

I did without things I wanted. Like going out to eat occasionally, new clothes for me or the kids, and vacations were only to visit family.

I stayed in jobs I didn’t like that much so I could have money.

What if it’s not money or the job that makes us feel safe and stable?

I noticed that even though my husband and I continued to make more money, I still had the same fears we wouldn’t have enough.

The job and the money changed, but the feeling of not having enough never changed.

Sometimes we try to change jobs.

Sometimes we stay in the same job.

We try to make more money to feel safe.

But, we keep changing those things and we still feel unsteady.

I realized that it wasn’t the money that made me feel safe. It was my ability to trust myself…and no amount of money can give me that.

Learning to trust me and my ability to rebound from whatever life may throw at me has made me feel more secure than any amount of money ever did.

Procrastinating

We all put things off sometimes. 

That's procrastinating. 

A lot of times we do this because we don't want to feel the discomfort or pain of what it is that we have decided that we should do. This discomfort and pain comes because something is boring, scary, or sometimes it just doesn't fit in with what we have decided are the most important things in our life. 

If it doesn't fit with our priorities, maybe it's time to get honest and tell someone else kindly that we can't make their priorities ours right now. We have other things that need our attention right now.

But, if it's something that aligns with our priorities and who we are trying to be, and it's just hard, it's scary, or just boring, here's a few strategies of how to get those things done. 

First, give yourself an out. You don't have to do it all. You just have to start. Just dial the phone. Just get out your running clothes the night before. Just do one thing to head you in the right direction. It sounds simple. But you'll be surprised at how much momentum that gives you.

Second, is similar. Don't overwhelm yourself with the entire goal. Start cleaning the room with one drawer. Give yourself an easy win. Something you know you can do. And then the rest is optional. You get to celebrate the win, and often you are ready for more. 

These tips can seem so simple, but when we get started, our lives will uplevel and building on success is so much more effective than beating yourself up about failure. Set yourself up to succeed!